The teacher of the class is a Kripalu yoga instructor, and the freeform thing is very Kripalu, except for the part where you fall off something and injure yourself, which did not happen today. Instead, I did find myself getting unintentionally and unreasonably irritated with one of the other people in the class. She was a tall blonde girl, who seemed like a teenager, and had a particularly disturbing habit of twisting her mouth to the side like a nervous tic. I suspected she was a teenager because she was displaying a sorta blatant disregard for other people's personal space; she fidgeted and looked at herself in the mirror when the teacher explained moves; switched trapezes at random; and I don't know why all this stuff drove me crazy, but it did.
It was kind of weird. I just got notification that I can apply for the Kripalu yoga teacher training I have been wanting to do in October, and I have been wondering whether or not to accept it. I love yoga. I love teaching. I love teaching yoga. But I am not the most flexible person, even doing it daily; there are plenty of asanas I can't do and some that I fudge and some that I deliberately avoid because I hate them (yep, I hate yoga poses, and I'm not afraid to admit it). and the rest of yoga, outside of the asanas, I struggle with constantly.
It's all about staying on the mat: minding your own business, not comparing (comparisons are, after all, odious), being in your mind and the present rather than worrying about the future or the past. But I find it so easy to be distracted, to spend my savasana being bitchy about myself or others. In yoga class, I scope other people during Downward Dog, I get irritated by people's weird habits or the way they breathe, I worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, and I get off-balance: literally off-balance. I fall over.
Being here in Boulder, in the mountains, is a kind of yoga. Being in the desert of Morocco or Burning Man is a kind of yoga; walking with an empty mind is a form of yoga. But I don't know how I can teach yoga when I so consistently go off the mat and worry worry worry about things that haven't happened, things that might not happen, things I am afraid of happening. My mind is all wrapped up in things.
I guess the short statement out of that is: I wonder where I'll be in October?