Saturday, January 22, 2011

Interesting point, with clarification

It has been pointed out to me that I ruminate a lot on the nature of leaving; that I talk about how sometimes it's sad to move around the world and leave people behind and stuff, and that there might be some kind of inherent implication in that: the implication that I don't like where I am.

It never occurred to me that anyone might think my sadness over leaving one group of friends might not be able to co-exist with my happiness in a new group, or that my expressing said sadness might not similarly imply my future sadness for eventually leaving all awesome people in my life. So here we go: if any of my totally fantastic friends and amazing fun partners have ever been upset or offended by my unwitting implication that I Just Don't Love You, I'm really really sorry. I may be sad to leave the other people, but I will definitely be sad to leave YOU. You are the cat's pajamas. You are the bee's knees, and my life is much richer and better with you in it.

I have to say, the main reason I wrote this most recent article was simply because I still, despite evidence of Niagara Falls-worth of apathy on his part, often think about my ex-boyfriend. It's rough to like someone a lot and they tell you they like you, that they love you more than anyone else on earth in fact, and they tell you so much that it's easy to forget that they're not actually SHOWING you, so the relationship is not that great really. Actually, emotionally, it sucks. So why should I miss that person? Well, because he was charming, and really funny, and because he had a particular turn of phrase that I found hilarious, and could talk to me about pretty much all the music that I liked, and he generally did almost all the things a perfect life partner for me would have done except ONE THING: want to be a good life partner. FAIL.

And actually, missing him PISSES ME OFF because it is dumb. Emotions are weird. And then Facebook has to turn up and even though I have blocked him from my news feed, I just can't bring myself to unfriend him, because yeah, he's pretty funny, so instead Facebook is constantly reminding me of the latest Place he checked in at (with by the way the new girl he instantly replaced me with) or reminding me that I have some photos in which we are both tagged, and generally constantly reminding me of a person that never thinks about me. So...well, it's a bit emotional sometimes.

That's why I wrote that.

I hope all my friends, old and new, know what they mean to me. And if you don't, I will SHOW you (not tell you) every day, because frankly, that counts so much more than anything you could ever read online.


Sharp11Girl said...

I just wrote a super-funny comment on your last blog and then this "VERIFY YOUR IDENTITY, INTERNET THUG!" system thing you have ate it. So imagine the funniest thing I could have said, and that was it.

But about this one - I have moved around a bit in my life, and it used to bother me, all the good friends that I once saw all the time and now I only see occasionally. It was someone from the army who made me see it differently: not to resent the time apartment from someone you love, but to cherish the time and times you had together.

So maybe that's super-sappy, but it helped me. Maybe it will help some of your friends who miss you bunches? Peter can't talk about you without moaning about how much he misses you, and I'm like, "let's pretend that a given, and not hit the poor thing over the head with it!"

Ok, let's see if I can keep this post un-eaten...

Missing you said...

I love you and miss you and appreciate you and hope that even when I'm not the best friend you still know all of that.

Missing you said...

This is Darcy BTW. No clue why I'm being identified as "Missing you" ??????????????